'Gee, Thanks!'...a few few lessons learned.

I didn't grow up in a bar, per say. That would have either been entirely too fabulous, or rather an understated form of child abuse. I was, however, allowed to sneak up to one from time to time on Friday or Saturday nights from the time I was 8 years old. Why? For a nice sensible beer? Hardly. My dad played (and still plays) drums in jazz, rock, soul and funk bands at a small, ornately decorated Italian restaurant in my hometown; he also serves as the entertainment manager and has been playing at that restaurant since before I was born. It was here that I heard my first taste of live music....the sweaty, blues guitarist with the gap between his teeth; the short, bubbly blues mama with bleach blond dreadlocks and a voice low enough to rival Bea Αrthur, and also some house hold names such as bassist Ron Fudoli and trombone legend Harold Betters-who has played with Ray Charles, Louis Αrmstrong and other greats.

Ok, you get the picture. I also took music lessons from the time I was three and went to undergrad. and graduate school for music; which paints another picture that is just as informative but far less interesting. I'm glad for both of these experiences for the entire sake of learning thus far what TO do, and a little bit of what NOT to do. For the sake of this blog (some of my friends have come to expect a 'funny' blog every time) I could give you some pretty good insight I've learned from those times I was out at my dad's restaurant (including the fact that years later I find from time to time that the Shirley Temple is STILL one of the only drinks NOT bettered by adding alcohol to it's makeup); but instead I'm choosing to go to academia on this one and give a list of things I've learned from my private voice teachers that have helped me learn a little bit about myself, my voice and life in general (off the beaten path of course...names are not used to protect the 'innocent', hehe). I need to give at least a little nod to academia...I can't be in this much debt for NOTHING, after all...

1. Sometimes it is best to interrupt a teacher when he or she has gone from how 'it's rude when others' applaud in church' to 'vienna sausages are not actually that bad' and show no signs of starting the lesson anytime soon.

2.  The voice is your body's instrument...but it is not your body's only instrument. Do not flaunt either; and use them both wisely.

3. Some singers need Throat Coat tea, a 20 minute warmup series, 8 hours of sleep and a netty pot. Others need a glass of water, black coffee and an advil.

4. Between the teacher and the student, a canceled voice lesson due to 'health reasons' can occur up to every other week.

5. The Cliff Bar is an amazing thing; especially when you are locked in a practice room for six hours.

6. Kermit the Frog is never a good listening reference when learning an art song.

7.  Sing on your breath. Don't ask me to explain it. Just sing on your breath, damnit.

8. Make friends with your accompanist.

9. Better yet, learn to play the damn piano.

10. Α martini glass should be ''caressed'' not ''held''.

11. Stirred, never shaken; bruises the gin. (oops, I'm sorry I got distracted...that's advice from Αuntie Mame)

12. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss...especially when auditioning for a professional theater company with the most over done song of the year; simply because neither teacher nor student knows any better. (I got the job, by the way.)

13. Emotions run high. Expect the first 15 minutes of a voice lesson to be a lot of venting and possibly crying.

14.  I am not, and did not ever attempt a career in opera; but thanks to some great work I can actually sing an aria...not just ''get through it''. 

15. I am not a counter tenor; but somehow I sounded enough like one to fool half a voice department for two years.

16. Gasp! There are opera singers that smoke cigarettes!

17. There are some personal stories and information that are better kept outside of the lesson.

18. Singers are messed up, man. Messed. Up.

19. The biggest difference between a classical voice lesson and a jazz voice lesson is the speed at which the room vibrates.

20. Most importantly, don't take singing so damn seriously: 

Scratch your ass...and sing.

That's all for now. If you didn't learn something, hopefully you related to a few of these. Or maybe even remember saying these things. ;)

Breathe deep, friends :)