Now presenting...Miss Carrie O'Key!

Karaoke. There's rarely a middle ground; it's either your go to, or you avoid it like a hipster avoids times square. I found myself 'inexplicably' at karaoke twice this weekend: one night I was singing Alanis Morissette with four frat boys, another singing a duet from Miss Saigon with a drag queen named Lauryn Ordair. In the past two years I've been a little more lenient about my visits to ye old karaoke bar; I think because as a singer I feel I have crossed that awkward hurtle of, "what do I sing/how do I sing it?" You can't be too good, you can't be too lame, and you certainly can't be too sober. I don't think karaoke is an art form (although thanks to Lauryn Ordair I'm finally convinced that drag is) but I've developed a few guidelines for the professional singer that describe how to make the most of the experience. Although sound/monitor machines have been replaced by laptops and the age old anthem "I've Got Friends in Low Places" has been replaced by Cee-Lo Green's "F*** You", these following truths are your key to a rockin' night of canned music.


1. PICK AN UPTEMPO AND TESTIFY.
Especially if you are at a smaller, 'homey' place it is never a good idea to sing a ballad unless it is just you, a passed out drunk and a bartender you plan on taking home after his shift ends (which is also not a very good idea). I don't care if it's Heart's 'Alone', Celine's 'All By Myself', or Beyonce's worst addition to Dreamgirls; 'Listen'. Don't even get me started on 'My Way'...even Frank Sinatra himself has stated more than once in interviews that he couldn't stand singing this song. You may have your fan club rooting for you, but you will drive away the locals and annoy the management if you go the ballad route. Good song choices are those uptempo songs with universal and empowering themes that chicks can relate to. Trust me, if people are drinking enough you can even get the manliest man to dance along unabashedly to 'I Will Survive'. Keep in mind this important law:


Karaoke is NOT a time for a seasoned singer to show off his or her pipes.


If you want to do that go to an open mic...preferably in Midtown, so I do not have to see you.


Talk through 'Celebration'. Witness in, 'I'm Every Woman'. Break down in the middle of 'Son of a Preacher Man' and ask the crowd, "are there any good Christian boys out there?" Keep things high and bright to preserve your voice-don't try to get husky or growl if you're not used to it. Keep in mind, you're drinking; we'll get to voice preservation later on.


2. THE DRINKING DILEMNA
I'm not going to debate whether it's a good idea for a singer to have any sort of alcoholic beverage before, during or after singing. That is for another blog post. I will say that having a good buzz going is essential at these types of places; you will have more fun and will appear loose and confident. If you do not drink, than do not go to a bar.


When you start doing shots (excluding those weak, putrid 'mixed' concoctions; 'kamikaze' etc.) it is time to be done singing karaoke. 


If you are all out drunk, you will scream in to the microphone, fall off the stage, and make things awkward. Trust me. Heavy drinkers tend to think everyone forgets the night when they do. Believe me...people remember you, you hot mess; even if you don't...you don't want to be 'that guy'.


3. HOW LONG DO I WAIT FOR MY TURN?
Tip the host. Well. They will generally pick their friends to go first, and if it is a long night you will most likely be at the end or forgotten if you do not tip. DO NOT bug the host; you will be momentarily blacklisted.


If you wait more than two hours and you don't even see your song in the queue, you're not singing that night. 


Sorry, little diva.


4. WHY ON EARTH WOULD I, A PROFESSIONAL SINGER, WASTE MY TIME DOING KARAOKE?
Don't write off karaoke. It is not the best opportunity for you to practice your singing, but it IS a great chance to practice your crowd working skills. Most singers, especially actors, like to hide behind a character or a persona.


Use karaoke to practice being and accessing your true self.


It can be very liberating if you approach it this way.


5. PRESERVE YOUR VOICE
The teacher in me must mention once again: DO NOT scream, yell, growl, holler, or try anything tricky. I have a ridiculously resilient voice, but when I do karaoke I do songs in mid range keys. I do not belt above an A (or a D, for ladies) and do not attempt my slickest riff. I don't care if you are Patti Labelle's evil twin or just fronted a Journey cover band. You are a SINGER, fool!


It's not worth getting all nodular just because you felt like chest belting 'Living on a Prayer' at a loud, crowded bar at 3 in the morning. 


6. RESPECT THE TERRITORY
Clap unto others as you would have them clap unto you. You are a professional, but you are a minority in the karaoke realm. I use the word 'amateur' sparingly because I don't like it's condescending connotation, but never the less karaoke is amateur heaven.


Respect, compliment, and encourage. 


Do not boast your credentials, bad mouth a vocal botch, or patronize poor Suzy who just sang 'Chain of Fools' consistently one minor third down the entire song (which blows my mind) yet felt she rocked the room. This is NOT singer territory!!!!! This is a fine and often slightly underground world of daring first timers, pitchy renegades and drunks with a story to tell. It's amazing, however, how you may be surprised by what you see and hear. Remember-the best singer in the world has never come out with an album; he or she is somewhere at home in a no-name midwestern town, raising 8 kids or fixing a water main break.


THE BOTTOM LINE:
As always, these are observations I've made through experimenting and 'people watching'. As a singer, you must represent the community by acknowledging the difference between 'a bag of tools' and a 'toolbag'; choose wisely from your sack of gimmicks and don't try to be someone you're not.


Oh, one more thing; if you want to see a drag queen with a mean countertenor and a surprisingly friendly disposition, look up Lauryn Ordair. She's always somewhere around NYC taking, 'I Am what I Am' up the octave...and brilliantly, I might add.


Breathe deep, friends :)

Welcome!

Did the title catch your eye? Let me be honest and say that there is no title more appropriate than 'Scratch your ass and sing..." I once had a woman give me this advice, and I still use it for myself, colleagues, students and friends. I will start by saying that this may come as a surprise to many people I have known thus far but I am a singer first and foremost. I am relatively young; 27 to be exact...and I am sure now more than ever that I am definitely a singer. I've lived it, breathed it, studied it in and out of accredited institutions and found that it is the driving force behind all things that take me to my highest place while simultaneously driving me to the brink of insanity. Most have known me as a pianist beyond other things...and hell, I don't blame them: the work is easier to come by, it's second nature to me, and every hoo ha high F belting theater twit is looking for his or her next bitch that's going to prepare them for their next big thing. I've built a sizeable voice studio in the 'make it here, make it anywhere' capital of the world, studied multiple vocal approaches at one of the world's top music conservatories, and performed in multiple settings; from late night performance art in Brooklyn, to cabaret at the Algonquin's Oak Room. Despite these experiences most of my abilities and motives as a vocalist and singing teacher have truly been altered by the things I've done and the people I've met outside of music academia. At the very least, it wasn't until I was able to draw from these adventures that I put the stamp of approval on my own teaching philosophy as well as found myself as a true performer-a singer who can step away from the piano and lead a room.

Thank you for reading (and hopefully following) my first ever blog..you're in for a real treat. To all the heartbreakers, alcoholics, church ladies, jazz kats, soul sisters and party monsters, this blog is especially for you. Someday we're all going to be in the same room reluctantly admitting that we all have a lot in common.

Breathe deep, friends :)